Relationship Dilemma: Should I tell her I caught an STI after cheating?
Last Wednesday, October 13, The Standard shared, on its official Facebook page, a relationship dilemma from one of its readers as usual.
We sample some of the tips shared by Kenyans in the comments section and also reach out to an expert to get his or her opinion on how the reader can get out of the confusing situation.
Standard posts on its verified Facebook page (Standard Digital) a relationship dilemma that is sent to us via our Facebook inbox every Wednesday mid-morning.
If you need relationship advice – from an expert, or looking to get Kenyans’ opinion on some confusing relationship situation – message us via Facebook, with the headline “Relationship Advice”, and we will forward message to the appropriate respondents. .
We guarantee your dignity by hiding details that could lead to your identity being known or exposed to the public.
Hello, please hide my identity.
I am 33 years old and married to a loving man. We live and work in Nairobi.
About three weeks ago my husband and I had a fight, and in anger I barged out of our marital home and spent this weekend with another man, who had made advances on me. .
I had met him during an NGO workshop in June this year.
Out of frustration, we became intimate when I was at his house. After a week, I found out that I had contracted an STI.
When I visited the doctor, I was told that the treatment would last for a month and that I had to give myself injections every day for five days.
We have since reconciled with my husband, and whenever he takes an interest in me, I push him away.
I’m afraid he’ll find out I’m treating an STI, since the doctor treating me knows him well.
What should I do? Do I have to admit that I cheated?
EXAMPLES OF ADVICE WE RECEIVED FROM OUR READERS.
Colah Kennedy: The only place to find comfort after an argument with your man is another man’s chest? Some sins are more than a sin.
Bernard Bénédict: As a philosopher, the moment you decided to cheat on him, you simply signed a divorce certificate. Now bring him his copies too.
Gibbie Gibby: My friend and his wife had a fight once and then the lady came to me to complain that the man was a cheater. To my surprise, she was so desperate and broken that she almost made advances to me to calm her frustrations but I pushed her away and asked her to respect our friendship. It’s true. If you’re not careful in such a situation, you could end up being intimate and fathering an unexpected child who will eventually betray your friend after just a stupid argument that most proud women can’t handle. It is also true that desperate women easily fall for the next available man and most men take that chance and do more harm.
Mr. Pitson: You were just looking for a fight to go and satisfy your desire. Your case is beyond advice, go to hell and come back flying confess and go back to hell.
Naomi Masinde: Confess your sins to your Lord, you will be forgiven. But never try to confess to your husband if you want your marriage to last. Never let the cat out of the basket (sic). These are the secrets that you take with you to the grave. Once you tell him that he might stupefy you (sic) or that he will use this scenario as a weapon to attack you.
Régina Njoroge: Anger is never an excuse to cheat, you even make an effort to sleep with another man, that means that. you had been cheating all the time, emotionally, you just ran away from home to complete the physical act, emotional adultery is probably what caused the disagreement.
Mimi Mwenyewe: She shouldn’t confess. In this life or the next. This secret she should take to her grave. This doctor is prohibited by professional doctor-patient secrecy from revealing his situation. She would have to wait until she was healed and a few more days after that just to be sure. She can tell him that she has a prolonged period. And that she may need to take some tests in the hospital to see what’s going on.
Junior Karani: Confess, repent, and ask for forgiveness. Make peace with whatever the answer is, for secrets have a way to escape.
Lawey Laurent: My father warned me about a woman who leaves and comes back, then leaves and comes back, long before I got married. I will always fight so that a woman does not leave my house. But once she’s gone, she only has a 1% chance of ever coming back.
Evangelist David Musana: Is it the STI that bothers you or the fact that you cheated on your husband with another man. Where love abounds, you cannot walk out of your matrimonial home just because you had an argument and had a disagreement with your spouse. There is something that is obvious.
Dr Karatu Kiemo is a sociologist and senior lecturer at the University of Nairobi.
Whether or not to disclose an affair is a real dilemma. Most cultures in Kenya do not allow open relationships where you can have an affair and let your partner know. When such information is disclosed, when the other partner tolerates it, it depends on their personality and other social and economic considerations. So if you confess, your relationship may stay or break. Sometimes cheating in a relationship has an element of guilt. It seems that your personality can allow you to live with the secret, especially if and when you are recovering from the illness. If so, you can join the millions of humans whose conscience is unaffected by keeping secrets about extramarital affairs. I believe most of them live normally. In the meantime, the most important thing is not to infect your husband with the disease since there are records of your knowledge of your status, so infecting him carries criminal liability. In the future, the next time you decide to have an extramarital affair, consider using protective measures against illnesses and unwanted conceptions.