Oracle of Ybor: I went back to Tampa to try to make it work with an ex who cheated on me | Columns | Tampa

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The Eight of Swords is a card for feeling down and trapped, with seemingly no way out.

Dear Oracle, I recently moved back to Tampa hoping to reunite with my ex-partner. I left them after finding out they were having an affair. (We are separated but not divorced.) However, after a year in another state and reflecting on our lives together, I realize that I love and miss them. We constantly talked and texted and even told each other that we loved each other. I told them that part of the reason I was going back to Tampa was to get back together. Their reaction is that they send me mixed messages. For example, they will say that if we are going to get back together, we have to start over as if we had dated. We did several things like dates together. Then they’ll say, “but if I want to date someone else, I will.” I am very confused. I find myself at their house almost every weekend, grilling, cleaning the cars and the house, tending to the lawn and hanging out with them. Will we get back together?-Lover

Cards for Relationship Now: Reversed Three of Wands, Death, Eight of Swords
Requester Cards: Reversed Temperance, Reversed Force, Reversed Page of Pentacles

Dear Lovelorn, one of my philosophy teachers once said that love exists the moment we see a person and imagine a future with them. That future could be 15 minutes away and involve fewer clothes, or 50 years away and involve grandchildren. But this exciting moment of potential is a place where love can grow.

The Three of Wands is a card like that. It’s a card about looking back at what you’ve done with pride while still feeling excited about what lies ahead. In this spread, the Three of Wands is reversed. Although there is a fondness for what came before, this potential seems blocked. When your marriage ended, you lost not only the relationship as it was in the present, but also that future. It’s a very devastating loss, and I’m so sorry you went through this.

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It doesn’t surprise me that the Death card came after the Three of Wands. I have written several times about death in this column and its contradictory meaning of end and beginning. Sometimes death is necessary for rebirth to occur. Starting a relationship with your ex again can certainly be a rebirth, but only if you first acknowledge the death of your marriage.

I don’t know if you and your ex have talked about ending your relationship. Not the “why” or the “how” of this one, but the fact that it’s over. What did this mean for you? What did this mean for them? Be honest.

When you write that your ex is sending mixed signals, I wonder if you’ve had open, honest conversations about what you really want to get going.

You mention that your partner has asked you to start your romantic relationship over. This part isn’t unusual – many couples try this to get back to basics – but then you describe what you do for your ex every weekend: you clean his house and cars, you grill, you you take care of the lawn.

That’s very sweet, but in my own experience, I’ve never had someone I’ve just started cleaning my house for me with without being asked. It’s something a living partner does. It seems that you are ready to fill the role of married partner again, but your ex is unwilling or unwilling to join you in this role.

Your ex has been having an affair and has told you that he is not looking for monogamy at this time. If they want to date someone else, they can. While logic dictates that you can also date someone else, it doesn’t sound like you want to.

If you were to move forward with your ex, they might suggest an open marriage. Would you agree with this solution? Some people are naturally drawn to polygamous relationships; some are not. One is no more the “right way” to be in a relationship than the other, but it is crucial that both (or all) parties agree. “Poly under duress” rarely works.

“In my own experience, I’ve never had someone I just started going out with to clean my house for me uninvited.

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There may be times when we are in love with someone and they cannot be fully with us. They may be married or not interested in dating or have some other reason, and out of love for them, we convince ourselves that having a piece of them is better than nothing.

In a way, Lovelorn, I think that’s the offer your ex is making to you. And I think you’re unhappy with that. The Eight of Swords is a card for feeling down and trapped, with seemingly no way out. The picture on my card is two swords on a rock and six swords below. It looks like a fence, but it’s an illusion: you can escape if you try.

You’re not trapped, Lovelorn, even if that’s the way it is.

I think you and your ex need to talk openly about what you want, what you envision for the future, what you need from a partnership, and what you don’t want to give up. Remember that a compromise is something both parties are willing to work with, not something that leaves one person happy and the other drained. If your ex is open to this, a couple’s counseling might be helpful.

Right now, Lovelorn, your three action cards are all reversed. It can be difficult to face them, but they are necessary. First, with Temperance, you’ll need to be realistic with your hopes and really listen to what your partner says they can give you. Whatever happens, you will need strength. If you move forward, you will need to be strong to rebuild that confidence. If your partner can’t give you what you need, you have to have the strength to walk away. The Page of Pentacles is someone who works hard to sow seeds for the future. They believe change is coming.

Whatever that future is – with your ex, with someone else, or on your own – I hope you can see these seeds bloom and that whatever happens in this life, you will feel thrilled by the possibility of this. which comes next.

Thank you for trusting me with your question.

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